"You know how, this summer, when you were doing your Fringe show? And Mercury? Was in retrograde? Yeah. Can you check with Gilpin and see if that's happening again?"
Rose here, Dramaturge readers! I'm NaBloPoMo pinch-hitting for the lovely Kate, whose "quick trip" this weekend turned into an hilarious gong-show, screw-the-pooch fiesta thanks to the winter wonderland I've been gazing at dreamily for the last couple of days. She's finally on her way home and asked me to post here tonight, so that she makes the NaBloPoMo deadlines. She's that dedicated, people!
In the interests of including Kate-generated content, I thought I'd share some of the choice text messages Kate sent me over the last couple of days. Don't worry, I cut out the schmoopy stuff. No one needs to vomit.
9:31 a.m. Boarding! Will txt u from Toronto!
11:55 a.m. Still on ground - likely takeoff not 'til 1 p.m. [flight was supposed to leave at 10:05 a.m.]
12:02 p.m. Flite is packed & I'm sitting next to the angriest woman in Angry-onia. I wish she had an Ativan.
12:56 p.m. Still on the ground. Sigh. What r u wearing?
1:02 p.m. [Rose asked if Angry McHairStyle had "calmed the fuck down" yet] Not yet! She has angrily applied make-up & is now angrily reading a mag by angrily flipping the pages. Nutso.
Then, silence. Because the plane took off! I monitored its progress and texted as soon as it landed. I believe my message was real hot n' sexy too, something like:
"Yay! You landed!"
8:20 p.m. Yes! But there's a medical emergency on the plane & we're waiting 4 paramedics.
HAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! [That was me.]
So that was last night. I was promised she'd be plied with liquor when she arrived.
Today when she got to the airport to come home, Kate found they'd overbooked her flight by 52 people and she no longer had a seat. Wooo! BUT there was hope that she might get on the flight after all. Then Kate learned that they were keeping the Vancouver-bound plane in a hangar but did not close the doors and some birds got in. Apparently, these birds defecated all over the aircraft, further reducing the number of available seats. Woooo!
While all hope was lost of getting on THAT flight, Kate intrepidly discovered a flight going to Ottawa and connecting to Vancouver. Then THAT flight was delayed . . . because one of the flight attendants was AWOL. Finally, minutes ago, I received the following text message:
5:38 p.m. On Vancouver flight from Ottawa! Take off your shirt, I'm comin' home!
Okay, so I added the last bit. But I've still got my shirt off, just in case she just didn't have time.
So there you have it! Kate has fulfilled her NaBloPoMo obligation and I've managed to put off doing the dishes for another half hour. Will I actually get them done before she gets home? History will decide. Or, you know . . . me.
